Flight of the Conchords is the NEW Arrested. Period.

Please sit back and enjoy...

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Ratatouille!

Everyone who reads this blog should go see Pixar's newest masterpiece 'Ratatouille' this weekend. The sheer joy you'll get from this movie will make you glad you didn't pick the tame Die Hard 4.0 instead. I really think 'Ratatouille' will be the film to beat this weekend and will continue through the summer and be the fourth or fifth highest grossing movie of the summer. It will have a slower then expected Friday night but with strong word of mouth and oppressive heat on Saturday will lead to a tremendous up swing for the rest of the weekend and the film will be number 1 beating Die Hard by a mere 5 to 8 million.

Two Great Things For The Price of One: Controlling Beasts Edition

Froot Loops Cereal Straws

OK OK whoa whoa whoa, first of all kids USE YOUR HANDS TO DRINK YOUR MILK! Kids do no need another reason to have their drink of choice within mouth's reach while watching Loonatics or whatever the hell. Secondly, can you only drink milk through the straw? Point 3: Why Froot Loops of all things? If there is one cereal I hate drinking the artificial fruit milk from the bowl more than Froot Loops then I do not want to know that cereal. 4itude, I'm making the first Cereal Straw Cocktail right now. Look out world, The First Annual Cereal Straw Drunkfest is coming soon. We'll hold the event for every year from now on or until the Cereal Straws are outlawed for their impeccable tooth rotting abilities.

Johansson vs. Biel

Since so many people are compaing and contrast the overall sexiness of Jessica Biel as compared to the over bearing, eye popping beauty that is Scarlett Johansson, I figure the only way to settle this is with a good ol' fashioned "Battle of the Broads"

ROUND 1: Scenes in a Towel

Jessica Biel in Next having a long talk with Nic Cage about god knows what.




Scarlett Johansson getting caught checking out herself in a mirror.



Analysis: Biel has the musculature to pull off the look, but the mere sight of Scarlett dropping her moist towel hanging off her makes this a clear victory for Scarlett. Fantastic work Ms. Johansson you brought your A game to Round 1. Ms. Biel a worthy effort let's hope you can catch up in Round 2.

Did anyone see Next?

Does anyone know if this movie came out yet? I mean this scene looks like it would be at least worthy of YouTube. I wonder if Jessica Biel sees the movies she is making. I mean I have no problem with her using her spectacularly toned and physique for eye candy, it's just the fact that her ass is used as a marketing ploy to get people to see two minutes into the future time sort of travel movies. Whatever though USE WHAT YOU GOT BIEL!

On a related note seeing as Alexander Payne co-wrote "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" that movie just jumped 3 positions in my book from Steer Clear to Wait it Out.

The Humans Are Dead and I'm Not Crying

Flight of the Conchords soars into your inner nebula and uses you over and over and over until you are a wet spot of gooey burnt packing popcorn.

Indiana Jones

What more do you need to see?

Devil's Nightmare: The Trailer

Satan's Cheerleaders: The Trailer

Corupption: The Trailer

Vanessa Hessler for Barbarella!

With Robert Rodriguez bringing a true cult classic back into our modern world is something that I'm dying to see done right. Today's society can not stand SEX and it really is a shame when people who make sex films and films dealing with sexual matters that they can either not raise the money or the final product is dumbed down to appeal to very sect of American life. Films like Barbarella and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls were full a rampt sexual behavior and it was mind boggling to watch these films now and see what could be with today's abilities to light and special enhance people, wild sexual beings from the far reaches of the galaxy could be created and be shown to us to stimulate and get our minds wondering what could be. I apologize for getting a little out there but 'Sex Flicks' need a return and Robert Rodriguez could be the man for the job. Notice how when he wants to Rodriguez can shoot some of the sexiest clothed scenes in movie history. I give you exhibit A:

Exhibit B:


With those in mind I bring to your attention Barbarella. I MDB describes: After an in-flight anti-gravity striptease (masked by the film's opening titles), Barbarella (Jane Fonda), a 41st century astronaut, lands on the planet Lythion and sets out to find the evil Durand Durand in the city of Sogo, where a new sin is invented every hour. There, she encounters such objects as the Exessive Machine, a genuine sex organ on which an accomplished artist of the keyboard, in this case, Durand Durand himself, can drive a victim to death by pleasure, a lesbian queen who, in her dream chamber, can make her fantasies take form, and a group of ladies smoking a giant hookah which, via a poor victim struggling in its glass globe, dispenses Essence of Man. You can't help but be impressed by the special effects crew and the various ways that were found to tear off what few clothes our heroine seemed to possess. Based on the popular French comic strip.
The film is pure camp and the reason it has stood the test of time is due to Jane Fonda being the lead and having never looked better. With that I have begun the casting process myself for who should played the famed titular lead in the Re-Imagining. My first educated choice to replace Jane Fonda would have to be Vanessa Hessler, here is my visual proof.

Doesn't this woman just scram Barbarella, I could easily see her filling the shoes and the Orgasmatron nicely. She has done 'some' acting which is all you need in my book to qualify to star as a Hyper Sexual Space Vixen from the 41st century. More info to follow as I will be watching this production like a hawk. More visual campaigning for Vanessa Hessler and other candidates soon.

Manhunt 2 Delayed --I really can't see why

These are some screencaps of the soon to be upcoming game "Manhunt 2" which was going to be available for the Wii and Playstation 2 comes July 10th. The developers at one point bragged as to how hardcore and balls to the wall the game was going to be, now it seems they are regretting ever delving that deep into their sick twisted minds as the game has received an 'ADULTS ONLY' rating from the ESRB. Which really is too bad as the game promised to use the Wii-Mote in ways that I never thought we'd see so soon after the systems launch. Say you wanted to sneak up behind someone and strangle them, well stealthily slink your way up behind and then throw your Wii-More in a manner that you would if you had a string to choke someone VOILA! You are in the midst of a serious choke hold that no one could break out of, Congratulations! Seeing how 'Adults Only' ratings mean no Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, GameStop, etc. the game has been delayed to tone down the sadistic violence. Just make everyone a zombie and have them bleed blue and green, problem solved! Hopefully the game will come back kickin and still screaming with a hard M rating. How do more games not have A-O ratings, think about Gears of War and the chainsaw on your gun and all the bloody possibilities that lie within its teeth.

On a related note the Wii really needs to step up it's Adult programming there are only so many time that you can go around a game board in Mario Party 12 before you need to blow a few heads off with your trust Wii-Mote in hand.

Turn that damn phone off! It is off...

A Horror Movie Come to Life

Three Fircrest families receive death threats via cell phone. Even when the phones are off. Even when they get new phones.

SEAN ROBINSON; The News Tribune

Published: June 20th, 2007 01:00 AM

Maybe it’s just a long-running prank, but the reign of terror endured by three Fircrest families buries the needle on the creepy meter.

For four months, the Kuykendalls, the Prices and the McKays say, they’ve been harassed and threatened by mysterious cell phone stalkers who track their every move and occasionally lurk by their homes late at night, screaming and banging on walls.

Police can’t seem to stop them. The late-night visitors vanish before officers arrive. The families say investigators have a hard time believing the stalkers can control cell phones without touching them and suspect an elaborate hoax. Complaints to their phone companies do no good – the families say they’ve been told what the stalkers are doing is impossible.

It doesn’t feel impossible to Heather Kuykendall and her sister, Darci Price, who’ve saved and recorded scores of threatening voice mails, uttered in throaty, juvenile rasps stolen from bad horror films.

Price and Kuykendall have given the callers a name: “Restricted.” That’s the word that shows up on their caller ID windows: on the land lines at home, and on every one of their cell phones.

Their messages, left at all hours, threaten death – to the families, their children and their pets.

“They tell us that they see us,” Kuykendall said Tuesday. “They tell us that they know everything we’re doing.”

It’s gotten so bad the sisters’ parents have offered a $1,000 reward to anyone who identifies the culprits.

The stalkers know what the family is eating, when adults leave the house, when they go to baseball games. They know the color of shirt Courtney Kuykendall, 16, is wearing. When Heather Kuykendall recently installed a new lock on the door of the house, she got a voice mail. During an interview with The News Tribune on Tuesday, she played the recording.

The stalkers taunted her, telling her they knew the code. In another message, they threatened shootings at the schools Kuykendall’s children attend.

“I’m warning you,” one guttural message says. “Don’t send them to school. If you do, say goodbye.”

Somehow, the callers have gained control of the family cell phones, Price and Kuykendall say. Messages received by the sisters include snatches of conversation overheard on cell-phone mikes, replayed and transmitted via voice mail. Phone records show many of the messages coming from Courtney’s phone, even when she’s not using it – even when it’s turned off.

Price and Kuykendall say the stalkers knew when they visited Fircrest police and sent a voice-mail message that included a portion of their conversation with a detective.

The harassment seems to center on Courtney, but it extends to her parents, her aunt Darcy and Courtney’s friends, including Taylor McKay, who lives across the street in Fircrest. Her mother, Andrea McKay, has received messages similar to those left at the Kuykendall household and cell phone bills approaching $1,000 for one month. She described one recent call: She was slicing limes in the kitchen. The stalkers left a message, saying they preferred lemons.

“Taylor and Courtney seem to be the hub of the harassment, and different people have branched off from there,” Andrea McKay said. “I don’t know how they’re doing it. They were able to get Taylor’s phone number through Courtney’s phone, and every contact was exposed.”

McKay, a teacher in the Peninsula School District, said she and Taylor recently explained the threats to the principal at Gig Harbor High School, which Taylor attends. A Gig Harbor police officer sat in on the conversation, she said.

While the four people talked, Taylor’s and Andrea’s phones, which were switched off, sat on a table. While mother and daughter spoke, Taylor’s phone switched on and sent a text message to her mother’s phone, Andrea said.

The Kuykendalls and Prices report similar experiences. Richard Price, Darcy’s husband, is a 26-year military officer, assigned to McChord Air Force Base. On a recent trip to the base, the stalkers sent him a message.

“McChord needs us,” the voice said.

Mari Manley, 16, one of Courtney’s close friends, is another victim of the harassment. She tried to avoid the calls by ignoring her phone. Late one night, she heard the phone making an unfamiliar noise. Her ringtone had changed.

“Answer your phone,” a guttural voice said. Manley saved the ringtone, and played it during an interview Tuesday.

The families and their friends have adopted a new routine: They block the cameras on their phones with tape. They take out the batteries to stop the calls. The Prices and Kuykendalls returned all their corrupted phones to their wireless company and replaced them with new ones. The threatening messages kept coming.

Fircrest Police Chief John Cheesman is familiar with the case and knows the families. His department is working the case with the Tacoma Police Department and the Pierce County Sheriff’s Office, he said. The agencies filed a search warrant for the phone records, but they didn’t reveal much. Many of the calls and text messages trace back to Courtney’s phone, which the family believes has been electronically hijacked.

Cell phone technology allows remote monitoring of calls, according to the U.S. Department of Commerce. Known as a “roving bug,” it works whether a phone is on or off. FBI agents tracking organized crime have used it to monitor meetings among mobsters. Global positioning systems, installed in many cell phones, also make it possible to pinpoint a phone’s location within a few feet.

According to James M. Atkinson, a Massachusetts-based expert in counterintelligence who has advised the U.S. Congress on security issues, it’s not that hard to take remote control of a wireless phone. “You do not have to have a strong technical background for someone to do this,” he said Tuesday. “They probably have a technically gifted kid who probably is in their neighborhood.”

Courtney Kuykendall says she has no idea who the stalkers are, though she knows police are suspicious. She believes someone followed her at school – a man in a hooded sweatshirt with a beard.

“They’re accusing my daughter of threatening her own family,” Heather Kuykendall said.

“Why would I do that?” Courtney said. “Why would I do that to people I care about? Why would I harass my own family?

--Orignally printed on thenewstribune.com

These were right next to the Hairy Brown Ball Fruit 75 cent

Soul Dracula Returns!

You know this is kinda exactly what a pictured a video for this song would be like.

The Horror Movie Trailer Compilation

The brand new old school movie trailer posts get started with a terrific grab bag of trailers for movies that time forgot. Enjoy!